A couple weeks ago I had a doctor appointment to follow up with some bloodwork I had done back before Xmas. I rightly guessed that nothing was amiss since they never called me afterward. I mainly went because i had a couple of skin tags I wanted removed. One was in my armpit and two were… elsewhere. Normally i just pull them off but when they pop up in more sensitive areas I just don’t have the guts. My doc took off the one in my armpit right then and we scheduled another appointment to handle the other ones. That was this morning. Let me add here that of course I couldn’t fall asleep and only got an hour and half nap before I had to go to the clinic. And when I say “sensitive areas” I mean ass and balls.
So my doc - a lady - opted to put me up in the stirrups. That was awkward. My legs aren’t outwardly flexible like that so I had to put my left leg in one and cross my right leg over and hold it myself. After a quick exam she find one small and one large tag to remove. Of course the larger one was situated right on the sphincter. As with the one in my armpit she had to use lidocaine injections to numb me. The armpit just needed one, it hurt a tiny bit but quickly faded. She had to use two shots on my balls. The first one was kinda awful but it faded fast too. The second was was just uncomfortable, more from the pressure of the injection than the needle itself. My ass had to have three shots. Two on the edges of the anus and one directly into the skin tag. The first two terrible, the third was just slightly bad.
I’ve had kidney stones, an appendix that nearly ruptured, ear infections so bad I have hearing loss, broken bones, blown out lumbar discs and sciatica, and lots of other random agonies. So believe me when I say that those few seconds after the needles went in, but before the medicine took effect, were some of the worst tings I’ve ever felt.
The little one on my balls came off with a quick snip of the scissors and didn’t bleed at all. The other one… after the third injection had puffed it up the doc decided that it looked more like a small, external hemorrhoid instead of a skin tag. She said it wasn’t a good idea to try and cut it off because, if it really was a hemorrhoid, that always ends up like Carrie at the prom. She prescribed me some sort of shrinking cream to use on it for a few weeks and see what happens. Then, if that doesn’t get rid of it, we’ll go over other options. Oddly enough. I don’t have any of the sorts of discomforts and problems that people usually have with hemorrhoids. It does occasionally get irritated but it seemed to be more a case of getting tangled in butt fuzz than anything else. Weird.
So anyways, that was my morning. I don’t wanna hear from anybody about their crummy jobs and I-hate-Mondays Garfield nonsense. I had a 1 1/2 hour nap and then needles and blades jabbed into my balls and asshole, and then I had to come home and carry a bunch of five gallon buckets of coal lumps in to the house for the fire place before the lidocaine wore off. Which it has, so…
Have you ever lost something and thought, “if I could just open a portal to another reality where I haven’t lost it, I could steal it from me and get it back”?
How do you know that’s not the reason you lost it
This is the exact plot of Fringe
if you watched Fringe you know this is a very very bad idea